Meet the Liverpool barber who’s sent 37 criminals to the electric chair

Meet the Liverpool barber who’s sent 37 criminals to the electric chair

Yee-haw! We’ll have a short back and sides and a lethal injection please, ya varmit!

Meet 53-year-old Sam Uncleburgerwitz III Jr., a Texan native who has relocated to Liverpool and is planning on opening up his first ever barber shop on Penny Lane this autumn.

Only, Sam isn’t just skilled with a pair of scissors. As well as a barber, Sam can also boast to being a licensed Texas judge who has personally ordered the execution of 37 of America’s most wanted over the past 20 years.

Speaking exclusively before the opening of his salon, Capital Punishment Coiffeure, Sam joked that he hoped his new venture will be less stressful than his previous life on the legal circuit.

“It wasn’t unusual for me to give the condemned one final cut to look smart before they tearfully begged for the Lord’s mercy in front of those they’d wronged,” he laughed. “So I’m a dab-hand at flat-tops, teddy boys, classic pompadours… you name it, God Bless America!”

And Sam’s insistent that his passion for providing the perfect haircut will only be matched by his passion for his right to bear arms and pump the absolute worst of society with 50,000 volts of electricity back in his native homeland.

“Beyond my native homeland, actually,” Sam tells us, whipping out a concealed Smith and Wesson Model 66 Combat Magnum. “Anyone try and jump out the saddle without paying and their last meal will be a mouthful of lead, y’hear?”

John Meadowcroft

I'm John, owner of Meddy Media. Like what you've just read? Let's work together; visit our 'Contact' page to drop me a line or begin a conversation with me right now through the chatbot on this page!

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