“Keep your Cavern, I’m happy at Greggs!” says the REAL Paul McCartney
I could barely believe my ears when I visited the Castle Street branch of Greggs last week.
There, behind the counter, was an elderly worker stacking pastries and singing along to himself. Only, his rendition of “cheese pasty” sounded remarkably like the original master recording of the Beatles’ mega-hit “Let it be”.
He turned around and caught my eye, winked, and made a shushing motion before leading me to a seat outside. “You got me,” he laughed, “I can’t lie any more. It’s true, I’m the real Paul McCartney!”
After learning I was a journalist-in-training at a local rag, Paul was only too eager to tell me his story. Apparently this Paul was the real star of the show; the creative genius behind all the band’s greatest hits and the driving force behind Linda’s vegetarian sausage empire.
“Him you see on the telly and the papers? He was just a front. I was never blessed in the looks department and was always shy in front of the cameras. Money was never my God; the only problem was the other guy couldn’t sing! So I’d lend my voice behind the scenes while the other one had all the trappings.”
When raising the recent Cavern gig that ‘Paul’ had played, Paul threw his head back and laughed. “It’s too busy in there and they’ll have fiddled with the acoustics, no one will be any the wiser so long as they can say they’ve been to a Paul McCartney gig…
“Heaven help him if anybody finds out, though. It’ll be a Hell worse than Stella telling Heather Mills she can’t have a 10% discount off her clothing line! He can keep the Cavern, though. I’m happy keeping my secret and working at Greggs!”
As I asked Paul for some ID to verify his claims, he suddenly got very agitated, looked around and made a break towards Water Street.
It was then the manager came out and asked who the man was he saw fiddling behind the counter, before lamenting he’d have to make a new batch of cheese pasties lest Paul had put small shards of glass in the ones on display.